Author Archive

The Internet Gives Birth To Stupid People?

Sunday, August 24th, 2003

Years ago I read a comic in the Sunday news paper. I believe it was “Hi and Lois.” The son was sitting in the shopping cart as the mother (Lois) was grocery shopping. He presented to her something he had written. I can not remember what it said, but it used words like “lite”, “glo”, and “rite.” When the mother asked the boy about his poor spelling, he pointed out that he learned the spelling from the items in the basket. I think it was about 100 years ago that I read that. Ok, maybe not that long, but my point is that I carried the thought of that with me for all of these years. I just kept thinking that we are now teaching our kids incorrect spelling?

There have been other things through the years. Let’s all not forget “Ebonics” for example. I mean shit! Who in their right mind can explain an entire new “language” other than the excuse of those who use it are just too fucking stupid to speak English! “English Motherfucker, do you speak it?” (Samuel Jackson, Pulp Fiction) This is really the only thing I can come up with for the use of this trash language. The worst part? It is still around. It is now referred to as “ghetto slang.”

(There is more to this story, click the “Read More” link below!)

But what started this rant today is the way people type on the internet. I truly believe that the world has become nothing more than a lazy, selfish, shit hole, and the majority of the population is following into it. Now, this is not to say everyone is. I know there are many out there that still have work ethic and bust their ass to do everything they can at a 110% rate. But why is it that people can not even take the time to type out an entire fucking word? Y do ppl hav 2 type like this? It is not cool! It is not hip or trendy! It is fucking lazy! Then you can even go one step farther and include those who type in the “l33t” format. That is “Leet” short for “elite” for those who are not hip and trendy!

Here is an l33t example:

Original: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. How, now, brown cow. I wandered lonely as a cloud. a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

L33t: the Kwick Br0Wn pH0X JUMP$ 0V3r +EH L4Zy D09. hOw, n0w, Brown cow. 1 wAnder3D L0N3LY @5 4 cLouD. 4 B c d 3 f g H 1 J K L m N O p q R 5 + U v W x Y Z

Of course the l33t is not nearly as ramped as the standard internet short hand! This really bothers me because it makes the world as a whole, a more stupid place to live. And I have always said that you can tell stupidity is free because it is everywhere!

I have been an avid internet user since the release to the public. This was back in the day before web browsers when we did everything at a command prompt. (If you do not know what that is, just chuckle and move on!) So it was not uncommon for me to get an email back then that said things like: I been to ur web site. It cool. But back then it was someone from another country that did not speak English well and had a hard time translating. Now I get the same email from an AOL user right here in the U.S.A. because people on the internet are ignorant as a majority.

So what I am saying is to NOT get on the “internet short hand” bus, hmm, the short bus… And learn to type and speak the English language well. Stop being a bunch of ignorant dumb asses! Is your life so busy and important that you need the time you saved by typing ur in place or you’re or your? Lose the ignorance!

Got A Comment? Click the Comment Link. Or send me mail at corky (at) spazmonkey (dot) com

Happy 4th Of July!

Friday, July 4th, 2003

I want all of our American readers out there to have a happy, but safe July 4th! Also take a moment and think about what this holiday really means. We here at SpazMonkey appreciate it everyday that we have the rights and freedoms to do what we do!

Matrix Reloaded – Movie Review

Friday, May 16th, 2003

Matrix Reloaded – Keanu Reeves (Neo), Carrie-Anne Moss (Trinity) – Wow! First, let me tell you that this movie is getting some pretty harsh reviews. What we have figured out is that the people who “just don’t get it” did not like it. Those who understand what they are talking about and can relate it to the real programming world enjoyed it far more. So understand that when you see it, if you do not understand the theory behind writing software, you will not get as much out of it, other than the fight scenes! LOL! The fight scenes were very sweet! I loved this movie, however I loved the first one more. It is well worth seeing however, and I do suggest seeing it on the theater, at least the first time.

My Rating: 5 Monkeys

Tired of being raped by insurance companies?

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2003

Well I am! And I, for one, am not going to take it anymore!

I am so sick and tired of the insurance companies changing the rules in the middle of the game, just to benefit themselves! It is time that we as the general population, get together and stand up for ourselves!

Visit Insurance Companies Suck

SpazMonkey Is Getting A Sister!

Friday, April 11th, 2003

I do not want to release too much information just yet, but is getting a sister site. It will be a public access site that allows you to voice about anything you feel is a pain in your ass. If something is bothering you, you can get it off your chest. Wide open to the world. And you can even be anonymous if you choose!

How do you feel about this concept. Click the comment link below and let us know!

Bourne Identity – Movie Review

Tuesday, April 8th, 2003

Bourne Identity – Matt Damon (Jason Bourne), Franka Potente (Marie Kreutz) – This was a pretty decent movie. It had some incredible fight scenes and a decent car chase sequence. What stopped this movie from being a fantastic movie was the lack of enough of the prior mentioned features. I think more of the fight scenes would have been great.

The other thing that I faced with this movie is that is was sometimes loud, and in the next scene the dialog was almost a whisper. So it was an up and down game with the volume. (I watched it on DVD.)

Overall however it was a good movie and I am not sorry I watched it at all! You can see the official website at

My Rating: 4 Monkeys

Random Drug Testing:

Friday, April 4th, 2003

The company I work for just started random drug testing! This was the first week of it. And let me be the first to say that what ever it was I tested, it was good and I hope I can get more! 🙂

Five Surgeons Are Having Lunch:

Thursday, April 3rd, 2003

The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded.”

The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and
when the job takes longer than you said it would.”

But the fifth surgeon shuts them all up when he observes: “The French are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable.”

NOTE: If you are French and are offended, please email me so I may tell you that your country is run by cowards, to your face!

Where are manners anymore?

Thursday, April 3rd, 2003

Look, first of all, let me be clear and tell you that I am not that old. So it is not that I have been around for many decades, however, I have been here for three! And I am not sure if it occurred in my lifetime or it was already damaged by the time I realized, but where have manners gone? Now this might be strange coming from a guy who writes a website with some sick and twisted humor, but I still have manners. So what am I talking about? Well here are two stories that happened to me in the last couple of weeks…

I went to my least favorite Mega Store recently. Again we will call it Al-Mart. I do not normally go there except between the hours of 12 midnight and 4AM. But this time I had to go earlier. It was about 8PM. Now, the fact that people in general will just stop in the middle of a main isle to look at stuff is not bad enough. This is typical anymore, because people in general are inconsiderate of other people. They do not care that they are blocking the isle and making it an unhappy experience for other shoppers, just because they are too stupid to move their damn shopping cart to one side or the other! But this is a whole other rant! My point here today is that people have no manners. So back on track.

Once I made my selection of what I was buying, (which I can not remember what I went there for now,) I headed to the register. They were generally busy and I had to wait for the people already in line. (You see, when I stand in the front of Wal- err, I mean Al-Mart and yell, “OK people, I am the webmaster and genius behind! Get out of my way!” It does not work. I agree that it should, but it doesn’t! LOL!) So the people in front of me were attempting to buy some type of strange vegetable. Well the cashier had no idea what it was. And the messed up part was neither did the people buying it. The cashier kept saying over and over, “It looks like a pale carrot to me.” The manager came over and had no idea what it was either. The son of the guy in line went to see what it was. So we are now waiting on Chumly to go to the vegetable area and find it. So once he arrives back, and the cashier has said it looks like a pale carrot 8 billion times, he spells the name of it for her. HE COULD HAVE JUST TOLD HER HOW MUCH IT WAS! But no, he spells the name for her. Now I am getting a little pissed. I say to my girlfriend, in a voice plenty loud for all to here, “This is getting ridiculous!” The manager lady finally takes the “pale carrot” from the cashier and puts it in the basket and tells the guy not to worry about it. (Thank You Manager Lady! You Rule!) The man swipes his credit card to pay the bill and that is the point that I was really losing it. The cashier looks at the guy and says, “Jew got a ID?” WHAT? WHAT THE HELL DID SHE SAY? OK, so maybe it is just me, but what the hell happen to, “May I see your ID please sir?” Or even “I need to see your ID please.” But no! “Jew got a ID?” What the hell is this? If I was a manager, she would be fired! And to top it all off, at the point I get up there with my purchase. The first thing out of her mouth to me… “Looked like a pale carrot to me!” It should be legal to shoot stupid people!

So once again, last night I went to a very well known chicken place for dinner. We will call it CFK. As I approach the counter I begin my order, “I would like a number five with…” “Is this for here or to go?” WHAT? Did your un-ruley little ass just interrupt my order to ask me for here or to go and not do it politely? Grrrr. So once I tell him it was for there, I get, “OK, what do you want?” NO! Here is my issue. First of all what happen to please, thank you, and sir/ma’am? No one has manners anymore! What the hell is happening to the world? They say that the current generation is the most selfish generation yet, and you know what? I believe it! Something needs to be done! And soon!

NOTE: If you are one of the people who I talked about in this rant and you are mad… good! Feel free to contact me and request the story to be removed so I can call you a fucking idiot to your face.

Signs – Movie Review

Monday, March 31st, 2003

Signs – Mel Gibson, Joaquin Phoenix, Rory Culkin, Patricia Kalember, Cherry Jones, Abigail Breslin, M. Night Shyamalan – OK, I know this movie has been out a while, but I just got around to seeing it. This movie was good with the exception of the ending. It ended kind of abruptly. The part I liked about this movie is that it really creeped me out. I do not get creeped out by movies, nor do I get scared during horror movies, but this movie kept me thinking something was going to jump out, yet it never happened. It had just enough suspense to keep it worth watching. If you have not seen this movie, SEE IT!

My Rating: 4 Monkeys