The Solution? A cattle prod!

I am tired! I am tired of many things in this world! And before you climb onto your soap box and tell me to make a difference instead of just complaining about things, I would like to remind you that you do not know me, and you do not know what I do outside of this website. And, I am going to tell you now how I, and you can, go about correcting some problems.

Have you gone into a store like HellMart lately and had some ignorant, inconsiderate jackass just stop in the middle of the isle? Just blocking the whole thing? Or even better, in fact personally one of my favorites, is the jackass walking the other way and they do not even attempt to move over. Like it is your obligation to get the fuck out of their way because they are so special? They can not be bothered to have to shift over 6 or 10 inches to “Share the Road” with you! Well read on and I will tell you how to fix this…

When shopping, if I am pushing a cart, it comes an easy solution. See a shopping cart is not just for putting your stuff in. It is also a battering ram! (This works best if you are buying some heavy stuff.) The headon people are the easiest target. It is almost like a game of chicken. You watch them, if the have enough room to move over and they don’t do it? BAM! You run right square into them. Then you can choose to say something to them about it… or not. Up to you! I like to make the comments along the lines of, “Oh, I am so sorry! I moved over a little, but I guess you didn’t. Maybe if you would have made that an equal attempt, we would not have collided.” Or better, “I wish you would watch where you are going!” This one is good because they will be pissed for the rest of the day.

The people who just stop? Well if you have ever been hit in the back of the ankle with a shopping cart, you know this fuckers will not stop in the middle of the isle in front of me more than once! Remember: Shopping cart = Modern Day Battering Ram!

So what if you do not want to push a cart? For about a hundred bucks, you can buy a high quality cattle prod! These only put out 9000volts. They are not like a stun gun. They will not disable the other party. But they sure the fuck will know you are there! So how would this go down? Easy! You are walking along in the local HellMart and some fuck stops right in front of you to check out the new low price on Hostess Snowballs. You are now stuck. You can not get around either way and more so, you are in a hurry! Out comes the cattle prod and WHAM! Guarenteed to get them out of your way! These also work well with metal shopping carts as you only have to hit the cart and not the person. A couple of good jolts with a cattle prod and they will become more considerate shoppers!

Now, on a serious note, I am not suggesting you go out and get a cattle prod and shock people. And if you do, I am not liable and you can not sue me as I will prove I just told you I am not liable and that I am telling you that you should not do it.

I have always been a considerate person. I am even considerate to the jackasses in the world because for the most part, they do not realize they are jackasses. BUT, the time has come for me to no longer be the guy who steps out of the way. It is a 50/50 deal. So as I walk through the mall with Mrs. SpazMonkey and people do not get out of my way, I no longer get out of their way. At 6’0″ tall and 255 pounds, it is like walking into a wall. I have, more than one time, knocked someone to the ground. Not going to move? Neither am I! Walking toward me? You better brace yourself because you are going down! My lesson here is to tell all you inconsiderate fucks that are too good for common courtesy, your day will come. You need to step back in life, get off your high horse and start giving a fuck about other people. This is not your planet! It is OUR planet.

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