Archive for November, 2002

Shallow Hal – Movie Review

Thursday, November 21st, 2002

Shallow Hal – Gwyneth Paltrow, Jack Black, and Jason Alexander (Seinfeld) – First let me tell you that I am a big fan of Jack Black (also known from the music group Tenacious D.) So I like to see the movies that he is in. This one was good. It was actually pretty humorous. I know a lot of over weight (read fat) people hated this movie and bitched about it a lot, and I can see why, but as a man of some size, I must say that regardless, it was funny. There were a couple of scenes that were cut that should have made it in, but it was great anyway. And in the end it was a feel good, learn a lesson type movie. You can see the official website at http://www.shallowhalmovie.com.

My Rating: 4 Monkeys

The Sky Is Falling…

Friday, November 15th, 2002

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read “… and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said ‘ The sky is falling, The sky is falling!’ ” The teacher paused and asked the class “And what do you think the farmer said?” One little girl raised her hand and said “I think he said: ‘Holy Shit! A talking chicken!’ ”
The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes

Some Kids Shouldn’t Be Spanked!

Wednesday, November 6th, 2002

One day a mom was cleaning junior’s room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine.
This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.

He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.

She finally asked him, “Well what should we do about this?”

Dad looked at her and said, “Well I don’t think you should spank him.”

I hate SPAM! It has to stop!

Monday, November 4th, 2002

I hate SPAM. Not the meat, well, I hate that too, but I am talking about the junk email that we all get. One of my domains was just moved to a non-filtered server and let me tell you. I get about 50 pieces of spam to each of my accounts. And I am not even on AOL. It is annoying. We need to find a way to stop this. Some of the stuff I get could be deemed illegal in the U.S.A. and for that matter, how do the spammers know I am not a 10 year old kid? This is just wrong. Oh and you have to love that they put that link at the bottom. You know, the one that says click here to be removed. HA! It should say, click here so we can verify your account is good and we will sell your address to 50 billion other spammers! So what can we do? We can not really ask the government to get involved. We don’t want them involved in the rest of the internet so why should they help with this part?

Further more, have you ever thought about what those spam mailings cost us? Yes, us. Like as you and me and all the other users of the internet. You see, each of those emails take bandwidth. And each bit of that bandwidth costs someone money. And that someone passes the cost on to someone else. And so on, and so on. Until it gets to us. Who do we pass it onto? No one. We have to write the check to pay it. It is out of control. Everything on the internet is flooded with it.

We need to figure out what to do about it. I would say the first step is to not use any services you hear about via spam mail. Only use services and companies that advertise in a respectable fashion. Let us here at SpazMonkey.com know what you think we should do about it or what you are already doing about it.

I Spy – Movie Review

Monday, November 4th, 2002

I Spy – Eddie Murphey and Owen Wilson – Well I spy a waste of money. It is not that it was a bad movie. I did not hate it, I am just sorry I did not wait until it was a rental. It was not something I would suggest to go see in the movie theater. It had a few funny parts, but overall it was cheesy and slow movie. If you have a chance to see it at home as a rental then it is a good choice, but don’t pay the $9 to see it.

My Rating: 3 Monkeys

Cheesecakes Completely Ruined The Game.

Saturday, November 2nd, 2002

To whom it may concern,

I got to tell you, I am very disappointed in you. You normally sell such great products, but those mini cheesecakes that you sell in those little boxes really made me upset. I must say, I certainly expected more from a company who usually makes such great tasting stuff. The actual complaint is that I didn’t like it. Normally I would just never buy them again. However, it is too late for that, the damage is done. Your product embarrassed me in front of my friends. Here is my story:

It was game day and I had invited all my friends over for the Laker game. It was the big game so they all showed up. Let me tell you, there was a lot of macho male energy in the living room that day. The only female in the apartment was my beautiful wife. My beautiful, well meaning wife. She had bought me and my friends a lot of snacks to eat while watching the game. She got beer, soda, chips, popcorn, cookies and your mini cheesecakes. When we brought out the mini cheesecakes, my friends were initially impressed by what a good choice in desert we had. Then we opened them up. These little cakes were meant more for a ladies tea party or something. What with the little cookie crusts, bits of strawberry, strings of icing and such.

By the way, I have a real complaint on that crust. It didn’t even begin to resemble the normal crust on a cheesecake. It tasted like a Fig Newton. Fig Newtons are fat free for goodness sake! Fat free equals bad taste and every one knows it. Also, only women and fags care about their weight and eat fat free crap like that. Whey do you think Queen Amidalla from Star Wars was on the Diet Pepsi cans? Because she only appeals to women and fags. And that icing that is kind of squeezed over the top of them? I am not EVEN going to tell you what my friends joked that it reminded them of. Now all my friends think I am a sissy. They all laughed at me so hard. I couldn’t take it. I threw the rest of them in the trash and spent the rest of the game in the corner.

So in conclusion, I just wanted you to know that your queer little cheesecakes completely ruined the game for me. What a jip! I paid money for them and they embarrassed me! What gives? You should have a better description on the package with a little note on the front that says something like, “Great for tea parties or gay rallies!”. If I had known this, I would have never given them to my friends to eat. Please change the packaging or the product itself or you are going to lose a lot of customers. Because believe you me, I’m spreading the word!

Embarrassed in California,

Rocco M.

(This was found at http://www.geocities.com/crazyletters2000/Home.html)

The Classifieds

Saturday, November 2nd, 2002

1969 Dodge Charger
Orange, numbers on doors, Confederate flag on roof, doors welded shut, $1200

GMC van, black, red stripe up side, $1000. Also, large jewellery-clad angry black man, ain’t going on no plane fool, hence $100. Ageing cigar chewing commander, loves it when plan comes together, $110. Baseball cap wearing helicopter pilot, slightly howlin’ mad, hence $70. Swoopy haired smoothy, $120. Or $350 the set, will include pointless journalist woman for free

Pontiac Trans Am, black, auto, air-con, forward facing brake light, turbo boost, ejector seats, indestructible. Irritatingly smartass voice in dash, $750.

Stuntman for hire: Might fall from a tall building, roll brand new car etc. Never spent much time in school, but taught ladies plenty, hire my body out for pay, ahey, hey. Call 1-800-Fall-Guy

Note: This is not an actual Classified Ad